Why I Told My Boyfriend

In my last entry, I shared the story of how my husband ended up finding out about my past addiction to pornography and struggles with masturbation.

I really think that for anyone who is currently single or dating there are a lot of important things to glean from that particular story.

First of all, I really don’t believe it is something that you should keep to yourself until after you are married. Sharing it will even help you discern whether or not you can live your life with that person.

If your boyfriend’s reaction to you sharing your past is negative in any way, there is something wrong. Either you aren’t as close as you thought, or he doesn’t love you the way Jesus does.

The idea that you should keep something this important from the man that could one day be your husband is somewhat deceptive. If, for some reason, he were to take issue with you having been addicted to porn or struggling with masturbation, it really isn’t fair to surprise him with this information after he has committed to you. Should he get over it and love you anyways? Absolutely! But starting a marriage based on deception is never a good idea.

Being able to communicate your fears, struggles, tendencies, and issues when it comes to sex is not always such a bad thing before marriage. A lot of churches tend to make you believe that sex is a topic that should never be discussed before marriage. It’s true, it can be harmful, but it can also be very beneficial for the first year of your marriage. There were things that I knew I wouldn’t want to do right away when I got married because of what I was exposed to in pornography. Instead of my husband being confused on our honeymoon and wondering why I wasn’t enjoying something or why I suddenly got upset, we were able to discuss it beforehand and have an understanding of what we were comfortable with.

Communication in general makes for a much better sex life, but communication before you even get married can make for a great sex life starting on day one!

Of course, you will have to use discernment and only share what is necessary for both of you to hear at this stage in the relationship. But I really do believe that not sharing it at all could be a recipe for disaster.

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