Talk to kids about porn

I was 10 years old. My dad wasn’t home from work yet and I was on the family computer by the door. Curiosity isn’t always such a good thing. I typed in the word sex. I scrolled through some pictures and clicked on one. My dad came home and saw what was on the screen. I don’t remember anything else about that moment in my life.

It is kind of crazy that my memories of being caught viewing pornography at such a young age don’t involve any kind of punishment or conversations with my parents. I don’t think it was ever brought up again until I decided to tell my mom what I was going through in college.

I don’t have kids yet, but if you are a parent that is reading this please just understand that your words and actions could make such a difference in your children’s lives.

Things could have been different as I was growing up if my parents had talked to me about sex at a very early age. It isn’t just Christians that are guilty of this. I have talked to people at work who are scared that their kids are going to start asking them questions about where babies come from. Why would you be scared? What a great opportunity!

As children, we learn about sex. Whether it is from parents or friends, classmates, or the internet, sex is going to be something we know about. If that is the case, wouldn’t it be best coming from the people that are most involved in our lives?

It would have benefited me greatly to hear a biblical view on what sex is before I turned 10 years old. In fact, it would have benefited me to know that there was such a thing as pornography and if I ever happened to stumble across it (which is statistically likely) I could talk to my parents without fear. The problem was that I had fear and shame and embarrassment and it didn’t seem like they really wanted to hear about it. If instead of ignoring what had obviously occurred, my parents had sat down with me and discussed what I had just seen and how I felt about it and what my thoughts were, things might have turned out differently. But they didn’t.

Let me get one thing straight. I love my parents and I know they love me. They didn’t ruin my life because of this, but it sure didn’t make it any easier for me. I thought I was alone for the better half of my childhood and couldn’t talk to anyone about it, not even my parents!

When I have children, I plan to answer their questions and not make them feel weird for asking them. I plan to let them know that there is a world out there that talks about sex, and that we are parents that talk about sex. I want them to know what the Bible says about it, that it’s a good thing. And that one day they might have to make a decision on what they are going to do with what the world has to offer them.

Some people believe that children are too innocent to have such discussions and we should wait until they are older or just let them figure it out on their own. That is terrible advice.

Sex should no longer be a hush hush kind of topic. Why do you think there are so many secrets and things hidden in the dark in Christian circles, typically having to do with sexual immorality?

Not many of my generation’s parents were willing to make this a topic that is no longer taboo. I am praying that our future generation won’t experience the same thing.

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2 thoughts on “Talk to kids about porn

  1. Hear hear! Of course I love this! I didn’t know porn existed either before I stumbled upon it when I was 11 and I am absolutely an advocate for parents talking with their children about it.

  2. We have a book that talks about sex at different levels of understanding. We have had “the talk” every year or so with our daughters as they’ve grown up. I’ve also had a close relationship with them all along. I also talked to them at their level about my porn addiction and recovery. It seems to be working to be open with them about these things as neither one is boy crazy at all. They have healthy self-esteem and confidence and don’t seem to need to find it in boys. They are 14 and 16.

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