Single and Masturbating

“When I get married, things will be different.”

I wonder how many women think that marriage will solve all of their problems when it comes to their struggles with masturbation. It won’t.

I won’t lie, marriage does make things easier. But if you haven’t started facing this area of your life with Jesus before you get married, you will face the same temptations and desires that you had before. Marriage might bury the desires for a time, but they will resurface at one point or another.

The same rules apply in marriage as it does in singleness. You need to confess to someone, you need to be in prayer and have others praying for you.  You need to use wisdom to avoid situations that make it harder on yourself. But there is one catch. You now have a husband who you have to confess to as well.

I know not everyone believes that masturbation is a bad thing. And perhaps you are married and you both masturbate and everything is fine in your marriage. I actually would love to hear your thoughts on it. But for my husband and I, there is no room for masturbation in our marriage.

Most people know Paul’s views on marriage. I used to always laugh when reading how he thought it best to stay unmarried unless you are burning with desire. I had plenty of desire, marriage was obviously for me. And it was. But I know things wouldn’t have turned out as well as they have, if I hadn’t given my sexual desires over to Jesus before I got married.

I still remember what it was like to be single, and I know how difficult it can be. Especially because once you have experienced pleasure in that form, it is particularly hard not to want it again. I am not trying to say that if you are still masturbating sometimes, you aren’t ready for marriage. But what happens after you give into your desires? Do you shrug your shoulders and say “oh well, I will just try to forget about it.” Do you beat yourself up and promise never to do it again only to give in the next week?

Or do you pray about it, confess it, and work on how to prevent it from happening again? If this is your answer, you are on the right path. This is the same line of thinking you will have to use when you have rough times in marriage. Your sex life may not always be what you want it to be, and you will have to choose to use the same self-control you learned as a single woman, pressing on when you fail, and making every effort to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

As a single woman, you have the ability to shape and form the wife you want to be for your husband. Take the time to allow Jesus to mold and shape your character now, so you don’t have to be reformed later.

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4 thoughts on “Single and Masturbating

  1. I 100% agree with everything you’ve said in this post. I learned masturbation on my own at age 12 and thought it was normal and fine. Gave it all up when I became a Christian but it returned. I hadn’t dealt with it–only stuffed it away. Now, Jesus and I are working on it and it’s been great. The freedom is amazing. Marriage didn’t solve my problem. Baptism didn’t solve my problem. Addressing it and working through it is solving my problem.

  2. Question from a single girl to a married woman: why is masturbating a no-go in your marriage? Now, let me explain. I can understand wanting my husband to come to me to meet his needs and vice-versa, but what if it’s an intimate thing between the two of us? Am I being naive to think I wouldn’t mind my husband masturbating TO me? Sorry if this is too personal or anything, but I really am just curious.

    • Definitely not too personal! I actually think that masturbating in front of your spouse is ok to do. But for me personally, there are a couple reasons why we don’t. When he is the one doing the manual stimulation, I have way better orgasms than I could give myself and it is easier for me to make sure my thoughts are focused on him and not images I have seen in the past. Also, when I am touching myself in that way, I am more likely to masturbate with him not around and that is never a good thing for me. I asked my husband this question, and his answers were very similar. In my post I was referring more to masturbating on your own, but I really do think it is ok to do with your spouse there. Thanks for the question. 🙂

      • Thanks for the answer! That makes sense. And as for “When he is the one doing the manual stimulation, I have way better orgasms than I could give myself…” that’s encouraging! I’ve wondered occasionally if, by masturbating, I’ve set my future-husband up for failure…afraid that I’ll prefer masturbation to being with him. I know that masturbation is a cheap and demented version of the pleasure you can have with someone you are in love with on a marriage-commitment level. But it’s nice to know that the physical part really is better, too. Thanks!

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