Some Things are Better Left Unsaid

You may believe there’s nothing wrong with what you are doing, but keep it between yourself and God. Blessed are those who don’t feel guilty for doing something they have decided is right.  But if you have doubts about whether or not you should eat something, you are sinning if you go ahead and do it. For you are not following your convictions. If you do anything you believe is not right, you are sinning.

–          Romans 14:22-23

I come back to these verses often. Recently, I have written about how it can be discouraging to read so many Christian women telling people like me that we are wrong and should just get over ourselves and masturbate. I think this is why I like these verses so much.

If you are one of those women and you have no guilt for what you are doing and find it to be right, then blessed are you. But I am not one of those women, and to hear someone try to convince me that I really could do what I know is wrong is troubling. I think that is why Paul says here to keep it between you and God.

From my viewpoint and from reading scripture, there is nothing wrong with me explaining my thoughts on why masturbation isn’t a good thing. If women are already confident that they are doing right, then my words should just brush right off of them and they can continue. Someone who enjoys the pleasures of masturbation will most likely go on as they please if they don’t agree.

However, if you take the other end of that spectrum the story changes a bit. If a woman tells me or someone like my friend in my previous post that we are silly and really could masturbate without any repercussions, we are more likely to want it to be true.

Why? Because masturbation feels good! Orgasms are amazing! And if it is something you have already experienced and decided that it was wrong, the struggle and temptation is a very real thing. It is much easier to persuade someone to do what they know is wrong than to do what is right.

So why don’t we just accept the fact that there is nothing wrong with it and get over it? Because we know in our hearts that everything is wrong with it. We have wrestled with it and come to the conclusion that it is not for us. The doubts are already there, and we know we would be sinning if we do it anyways in the hopes that our doubts are wrong. We would not be following our convictions.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with people who believe masturbation is not sinful. But it is those who try to persuade young believers that they should indulge in this practice that discourage me.

 “Wrong does not cease to be wrong because the majority share in it”

–          Leo Tolstoy

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12 thoughts on “Some Things are Better Left Unsaid

  1. I thought this was a wonderful insight by C.S. Lewis. I’ve seen it quoted on more than one blog lately…

    “For me the real evil of masturbation would be that it takes an appetite which, in lawful use, leads the individual out of himself to complete his own personality in that of another and turns it back; sends the man back into the prison of himself, there to keep a harem of brides. And this harem, once admitted, works against his ever getting out and really uniting with a real woman. For the harem is: always accessible, always subservient, calls for no sacrifices or adjustments, and can be endowed with erotic and psychological attractions which no real woman can rival. Among those shadowy brides he is: always adored, always the perfect love, no demand is made of his unselfishness, no mortification ever imposed on his vanity. In the end, they become merely the medium through which he increasingly adores himself.”

    citation: Letter (March 6, 1956) from C.S. Lewis to a Mr. Masson, Wade Collection, Wheaton College, Wheaton, IL; cited in Leanne Payne, The Broken Image.

  2. I do not agree, but I like the honesty of your post. I suspect that many women discover their sexuality themselves (if they depended on men like me they would never find the pleasures of this kind of love). I am less sure about men and why we do it…and feel it to be not quite right. I just posted on the whys and wherefores of masturbation without getting to these kinds of issues….and I think the sense there is something wrong with it is complex. I just don’t know. Please forgive me if I have been offensive in any way. I do not mean to be (and if you want to remove this reply, that is ok, I will not be offended – I do respect your argument – and I suppose I have been encouraging people to masturbate). I doubt that I have changed your mind….I suppose I do not see its harm…CS Lewis (whom I do admire) notwithstanding….

    • I am not offended. Obviously, I do not mind hearing people’s opinions. It would be unfair of me to do otherwise. I am just tired of having other people (women) try to force me to change mine and try to make me look like a fool. Especially since this is so biblically unclear, it is not ok from my perspective to strongly push others to do something they believe to be wrong for them. Masturbation was redeemed for me in my own marriage and lots of good things have come from it, but it is still not a good thing for me to do. Thanks for your honest reply!

  3. Pingback: Sexual Ethics – Masturbation Lists 2 « writingthebody

  4. Hi again….I have done a post…I would have liked to do a reblog….but was not sure how you would feel. Anyway, I have cited your site including the comment from M OKeefe above…..thank you for this…it advanced my own post I think.

    • I am perfectly ok with anyone reblogging any of my posts. Even if it is to advance your own, it gets more people viewing it whether in a negative or positive light. And that is ok with me! The more people viewing it, the more reason to write. 🙂

  5. Thank you for your kindness….I suppose I am still working through things as well…a bit lost at times, and I like the honesty of your post. It shines through.

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