A Change of Pace

I have been writing this blog for nearly a year now. Almost every single Sunday, I have posted something that I hope has been beneficial to my readers and glorifying to God. But I have hit a wall. I have prayed about it and sat staring at the computer screen trying to think of something to write. And I end up with nothing. I mean I have thoughts, but none that seem significant enough to put out there. I feel like I am in danger of writing things just to write, of being repetitive, of trying to do this without the Lord.

I know there are plenty of things to be said in regards to pornography and masturbation. Both topics are equally unique but a huge part of who I am today. They have both caused me endless hours of frustration and anguish, and at the same time have given me perspective and understanding in a culture that becomes more and more sexualized with each new day. I desire to write about these topics, but I feel like God is telling me to wait and to dig deeper.

But I don’t want to let my readers down! Even the few that have been helped by this blog are important to me. Are you really finished with me concerning this topic, Lord?”

I don’t think He is finished. I think this may just be the beginning, or at least I am praying it is. But I may not have posts every Sunday like before. I may have to enter a season of research and talking to others. I need to gather data and stories and in turn share them with the world.

I know some of you reading this have your own stories and your own thoughts. I encourage you to take the opportunity I am presenting right now. I want you to write for this blog. Of course, I would have to approve of your writing, because let’s be honest here, I am trying to reflect Christ and can’t allow anything that would be dishonoring to Him. But I want to have different perspectives and other girls, teens, and women who just need to get some things off their chest and out in the open. I want this to be a place where you can release the pain that porn may have caused you. The frustration and confusion masturbation has granted you.

All I can do is ask. It’s up to you whether or not you answer. Until then, I will be seeking out what God would have for me with this blog. I am praying it will be far better than anything I could have dreamed of. I push on not because of my own strength, but because of Him who saved me from my sin and gave me a new name and a pure heart. I can never repay Him and I never have to. So I will press on until he would have me finish.

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5 thoughts on “A Change of Pace

  1. Hi!
    I am so glad this is up here. I would like to take a money and say God truly has lead me here because He knows how bad I am struggling and trying to please Him!

    Let me start by giving you a little background info. From the time I was about five years of old I was molesed and I believe (I say believe because I don’t remember everything and I don’t want to) raped by my grandfather until I was about twelve. All the time. Didn’t matter where as long as we were alone. He would even pay me with money sometimes and take me out to eat and told me he loved me.

    Well anyways because of that I have been sexually awakened since I was five. And have masturbated since and my body won’t stop. Like if I don’t do it for a while my body will physically get all itchy and almost like a yeast infection and the only way to relieve it is to naturally release myself down there. I hate it. I see now that it is wrong and not God honoring.

    I also started watching porn because I saw my brother watch it for a long time a decide I would. And have recently repented from doing so. Even at one point I became a bi-sexual because of y abuse. But because something happened I turned around and Now I’m living for Jesus 🙂 so thrille to have his grace and mercy. But I feel unworthy. I feel so guilty of this past life that it’s making me doubt how important I am to God. I don’t know how to live the full Christian life.
    I need help! Someone help me please…

    • I am so thrilled to hear that you are living for Jesus! I understand the doubt. I have definitely been there before, but I want to encourage you that it will get better! You were unworthy at one time, but not because of masturbating and certainly not because of being molested. You were unworthy because you didn’t love Jesus and because you were a sinner like every other person. Yeah you sinned (and still do), but don’t dwell on what sins may or may not have caused you to be unworthy. It doesn’t matter, because Jesus covers all of it! Your sins are equal to mine and everyone else, all of it just proves how much we need Jesus!

      If you haven’t yet, I encourage you to pray and seek out people that you can share this with. People who will encourage you, disciple you, love you, and show you what it really means to live for Jesus. Make sure you are filling your mind with truth from God’s word and don’t let Satan feed you lies about who you are in Christ. I would be happy to talk to you more and encourage you through email if you would like to email me at mtorik.89@gmail.com

      Thank you for sharing! I pray that you continue to love Jesus and learn more and more about how you are a new creation in Him and the way you think and act is being transformed and made new!

      Your sister in Christ,

      – Tori

  2. I will take this chance to write. My sexual awakening happened when I was 14 with my then boyfriend. We were young and experimenting. We didn’t have sex, but it was enough to make me hanker for more. I do believe God intended the human body to be sexual and a moment of deep bonding between husband and wife. God knew it would be pleasure able – that’s why he told us to flee from sexual temptations!

    Years later, God revealed His love and I have been a follower since. The masturabation and sexual struggle has been a long battle in my walk. It’s hard! Recently, I have given in after believing one lie “by masturbating, it will release sexual tension so you will behave yourself”.
    It’s further from the truth! As this week taught me, the more I masturbated – the more I am feeding the lust beast and allowing control over me. The only solution is to starve it.

    God is still good. He showed me one verse:

    Luke 17:1
    There will always be temptation to sin. But what sorrow awaits the tempter!

    – through this verse, I realized; 1) He understands! 2) The sorrow was not directed to the one who sin, but to the tempter (Satan). It was a loving revelation for a verse that was often read but skipped through.

    In the genealogy of Kings (in Kings 1 and 2), a clear pattern was noticeable – one king would seek God, but after his death – the godly values would be lost eventually and the subsequent rulers will fall into debauchery and sin. This cycle repeats when God showed compassion to His people and raise a new king who fears Him. But what was the reason for the people to stop following God? It became clear that even during the God-fearing king’s reign – the poles of asheraph / baal were not destroyed. The existing idol poles allowed the idol root to stay.

    I read and wondered why do the kings not destroy it. But God showed me something else. He basically asked me “if you know the asheraph / baal poles were the reason for the people falling away into sin – why are you still allowing these poles in your life?” Lust and sexual maturation were the poles in my life.

    God is good all the time.
    He is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.
    He is th God of who was, who is, and is to come.
    He knows my past, He guides me in my present and He will go ahead of me in my future.

    * this post is written on my bus ride home till I finally reached my family sofa. I am writing from South East Asia 🙂 you can reach out to me through my email.

    Best,
    Esther

    • Hi Esther! Thank you so much for sharing. It sounds like you have a lot of wisdom and thoughts on this subject. I am glad to hear that God is revealing things to you. I (and perhaps others) would love to be in contact with you. Would you be comfortable posting your email in a comment? Thanks again!

      – Tori

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