Single and Masturbating

“When I get married, things will be different.”

I wonder how many women think that marriage will solve all of their problems when it comes to their struggles with masturbation. It won’t.

I won’t lie, marriage does make things easier. But if you haven’t started facing this area of your life with Jesus before you get married, you will face the same temptations and desires that you had before. Marriage might bury the desires for a time, but they will resurface at one point or another.

The same rules apply in marriage as it does in singleness. You need to confess to someone, you need to be in prayer and have others praying for you.  You need to use wisdom to avoid situations that make it harder on yourself. But there is one catch. You now have a husband who you have to confess to as well.

I know not everyone believes that masturbation is a bad thing. And perhaps you are married and you both masturbate and everything is fine in your marriage. I actually would love to hear your thoughts on it. But for my husband and I, there is no room for masturbation in our marriage.

Most people know Paul’s views on marriage. I used to always laugh when reading how he thought it best to stay unmarried unless you are burning with desire. I had plenty of desire, marriage was obviously for me. And it was. But I know things wouldn’t have turned out as well as they have, if I hadn’t given my sexual desires over to Jesus before I got married.

I still remember what it was like to be single, and I know how difficult it can be. Especially because once you have experienced pleasure in that form, it is particularly hard not to want it again. I am not trying to say that if you are still masturbating sometimes, you aren’t ready for marriage. But what happens after you give into your desires? Do you shrug your shoulders and say “oh well, I will just try to forget about it.” Do you beat yourself up and promise never to do it again only to give in the next week?

Or do you pray about it, confess it, and work on how to prevent it from happening again? If this is your answer, you are on the right path. This is the same line of thinking you will have to use when you have rough times in marriage. Your sex life may not always be what you want it to be, and you will have to choose to use the same self-control you learned as a single woman, pressing on when you fail, and making every effort to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

As a single woman, you have the ability to shape and form the wife you want to be for your husband. Take the time to allow Jesus to mold and shape your character now, so you don’t have to be reformed later.

Pornography: The truth

“If Anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.” – James 4:17 

In 2010, I went, with several of my friends, to a presentation that was given on the local college campus about sex trafficking.

During this event, they showed us a documentary with statistics and stories about women in the pornographic industry that had been trafficked. For instance, 1 out of 5 pornographic images are of a minor. They also presented the idea that although not all pornography involves trafficked women, the likelihood that someone addicted to pornography has viewed a trafficked woman and therefore supported their bondage was very high.

At that moment, this realization crushed me and at the same time delivered me.

It crushed me because I realized that, although unknowingly, I had been fueling the demand for pornography and women being abused. How could I live with myself? How could I do this to another living being?

I fell further into my internal misery when all of my girl friends with me began to discuss how horrible it was. “I just don’t even see how a girl could ever look at pornography. It is so disgusting!” That was one comment that would have prevented me from ever telling anyone what I had done.

And then the Lord made it impossible for me to continue to ignore his commands.

One of the friends with us just happened to be “the one” that God had told me I needed to talk to. As soon as the girls shared their disgust with women who could succumb to the world this way, she spoke up. “Oh, well I have looked at it.” She explained that she didn’t look at it anymore, but while everyone else was awkwardly trying to cover up their previous comments, I was filled with fear, joy, and anticipation all at once.

I could no longer ignore what God was telling me to do. It could not get any clearer that she was the one I needed to talk to.

That day is special to me for two reasons:

  1. I was finally listening to my Savior and drawing up the battle plans to carry out his orders.
  2. It was the day that I lost my desire to view pornography. I have not looked at it since.

“You may choose to look the other way but you can never again say you did not know.” – William Wilberforce