Single and Masturbating

“When I get married, things will be different.”

I wonder how many women think that marriage will solve all of their problems when it comes to their struggles with masturbation. It won’t.

I won’t lie, marriage does make things easier. But if you haven’t started facing this area of your life with Jesus before you get married, you will face the same temptations and desires that you had before. Marriage might bury the desires for a time, but they will resurface at one point or another.

The same rules apply in marriage as it does in singleness. You need to confess to someone, you need to be in prayer and have others praying for you.  You need to use wisdom to avoid situations that make it harder on yourself. But there is one catch. You now have a husband who you have to confess to as well.

I know not everyone believes that masturbation is a bad thing. And perhaps you are married and you both masturbate and everything is fine in your marriage. I actually would love to hear your thoughts on it. But for my husband and I, there is no room for masturbation in our marriage.

Most people know Paul’s views on marriage. I used to always laugh when reading how he thought it best to stay unmarried unless you are burning with desire. I had plenty of desire, marriage was obviously for me. And it was. But I know things wouldn’t have turned out as well as they have, if I hadn’t given my sexual desires over to Jesus before I got married.

I still remember what it was like to be single, and I know how difficult it can be. Especially because once you have experienced pleasure in that form, it is particularly hard not to want it again. I am not trying to say that if you are still masturbating sometimes, you aren’t ready for marriage. But what happens after you give into your desires? Do you shrug your shoulders and say “oh well, I will just try to forget about it.” Do you beat yourself up and promise never to do it again only to give in the next week?

Or do you pray about it, confess it, and work on how to prevent it from happening again? If this is your answer, you are on the right path. This is the same line of thinking you will have to use when you have rough times in marriage. Your sex life may not always be what you want it to be, and you will have to choose to use the same self-control you learned as a single woman, pressing on when you fail, and making every effort to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

As a single woman, you have the ability to shape and form the wife you want to be for your husband. Take the time to allow Jesus to mold and shape your character now, so you don’t have to be reformed later.

Masturbation: It’s Not Disgusting

I mentioned it before in A Breath of Fresh Air, but I want to focus on it for this particular entry.

I had a really hard time even saying the word masturbation when I first brought what I was dealing with to my friend. Even after that I felt awkward and weird saying the word. My friend said it with ease and basically forced me to use the word just so she knew that we were on the same page.

Recently, I had a young woman share her past and present struggles with me. She was a reflection of myself a few years ago. She felt like she was the only one dealing with masturbation, but when it came time to tell me the truth she couldn’t say the word. She kept telling me how disgusting it was. I wasn’t trying to be mean, but like my friend, I forced her to use the word.

After I talked to her, I wondered why I followed in my friends footsteps. What is the importance of becoming comfortable using the word masturbation?

There are a few reasons that I came up with, but only a couple that I find are really important.

First of all, it prevents miscommunication from occurring. Until you actually define what it is you are dealing with, people you share your life with aren’t going to know how best to pray for you. Using words like “struggling” and “lust” aren’t going to get the point across. Do you know how many forms struggling and lusting can take? You will ensure that the prayers you receive will be as general and vague as you are. And you may run into a few people praying for things that don’t even apply to you!

More importantly though, being comfortable with the word erases the link of shame that you have placed on it. Masturbation is real and most people deal with it at some point in life. You may not have realized that until now, but it doesn’t change the fact. As a Christian, it may not be beneficial for you, but it isn’t disgusting. If you have masturbated, you are not a disgusting person.

Let me repeat that. You are not a disgusting person.

If your desire is to stop masturbating, telling yourself that you are disgusting and worthless and imposing self-hate will get you nowhere. Those are lies, so stop believing them! You may lack self-control, be out of touch with the Holy Spirit, or simply bored and not doing enough with your life. All of which can be corrected.

Words can have power, and sometimes that power is negative. In years past, I was allowing this one word to wreak havoc in my soul and tell me I was something I was not. Don’t allow it to do the same thing to you.